The Chaps

Mike
Ask Burty!	Brazen Hussy Burt is an Irish MP, who once attended parliament naked. He was also mistaken for The Scouse one from The Spice Girls after removing his willy.

Dave
Mol's hairy areas	He with the inches! is the cry many girls shout after leaving Pilkington Road in an erotic fury. However we talk about his sheer height. Mr. Molineux's head is an amazing seven feet off the ground. This means he can watch over all the other Chaps while slowly stroking himself. Dave is the maddest man in the entire world.

Iain
	The Mick Jagger of Southport. Iain, who has a femenine fondness for open shirted business is the son of radio's fictional medical practitioner Dr. Fox. His BBC documentary series 'Button Moon - a life without fastners' has been sold to over seven countries.

Rob
Rob does TFI	Father to comedy's Royston Vasey, Wannabe Cuban drug dealer/Gangster, Rob spends his time harassing people at Southport's snooker place. An ex member of the Kew Maffia, Rob wants to sell Conservatries in the Beverian outback to leppers. Rob wants to be a gynaecologist in the near future, because they let him keep the gloves.

Ste
	Mr. Ste, revolutionist guy helped the chaps to become the unit they are today. Ste continually evades capture from the 'National Lottery' whilst starring in his late night ITV television show watched by insomniacs, vampires and the insane. With his often 'camp' walk his likeness to many celebrities is noted.

Stu
Stuart Osey's guide to life	Stooeys love for soup, Pook, fruit machines and Steak and kidney pie led him to lose the usage of his little fingers after 'exposure'. You may not know this but Stuart used to play Bouncer the dog in Neighbours. "woof, woof" says Stu.

John
John MilkNulty	John's 'hippy' culture and pure nature led him to believe the 70's provides the best atmosphere for 'Smokin' that dog'. The man who brought Coffee to popular Chap culture experiments with the 'evil drink' whilst others play football. John is now evil.

Ben
	Ooh! he so old! Ben being the old and wise one should sporty an old shaggy beard, but forunately does not. Another one who enjoys the odd 'dog' of a weekend, and loves the seedy seventies atmosphere his loins create. Ben is the creator of televisions 'Hairy Hat Man'.

Craig

'Smirnoff' Davies, as he wanted to be remembered was dicovered to be a 'secret lemonade drinker'.This would have been fine, but we don't tolerate secret consumption of non-alcoholic beverage. His love for the 'Mini' has led him to make his male member in the same fashion. Craig is currently recovering from his 1997 touring Ibiza holiday (in a Mini) where he contracted many diseases such as Syph, Dipt, and Esther Rantzen.

Jamie
	Part-Time lover of Sandra, Jamie is never without his Foster and Allan compilaition tape, which is played to him in a continuous 24 hour feed. When Jamie grows up he wants to be a PG Tips chimp.

Lindsey
	The true lover of Green Jelly, Johnson loves to sing and dance. Spending her time around operating tables with bright lights has changed her hapless personality into that of pop's princess Billie. Her fondness for potted meat led her to move near the factory where she and the local hoodlums used to 'hang'.

Lisa
	Early evenings around Lisa's 'areas' are filled with the cry of the wild monkey, which can be quite erotic. Recently, Lisa has been spotted swinging from pillar to pillar in Southport's monument while licking her signed photo of Lionel Blair, shouting at passers by who marvelled at the nature of her alcohoilic nose.

Phil
Povey's positions	Phil Povey that little, sweet innocent type has a craving for bubble wrap. When asked why, he just grins, giving the opinion that he once spilt his tea on it.

Suzy
	Due to witnessing the naked body of Craig Davies, Suzy can now only talk very slowly. She is currently trying to lift her ban from B&Q for testing out the shower units, making herself some toast and them going to bed. Suzy loves riding Bens Chopper.

James
	James, the man who has been hired by the government to test garden noise pollution is a Chap stalwart, loving peole from all generations.

Nick
Nickisms	Nick can, and will only be described as a pervert. His love for women surpasses even his for Koz, his Itallian Stallion lover. With his Mobile phone (which he believes contains secret sexual powers) and his 'Harrison Ford' smile, Nick has the opinion every girl is his.

Wayne
	The man with the golden nipple actually has three of the little beauties. His facination for 'boobies' has lead to the rule that upon entering his car you must be silent for one minute and silently contemplate...

Adrian
	Best served with curry, Adrian has a fascination with the digestive biscuit. This obsession has led to his international alias of 'Digestive Dave'. Adrian will one day be wed to his darling Joey, the seventh woman to see his 'wigfy'.

Rochelle
	Small handed Bimpson is a part time Guide leader, where she leads young children around strange fields. Her crusade to free her giraffe from the clutches of Blair took a turn for the worse recently, as her left bussom caught fire due to a chemical spillage.

Jim
We love Jim's dodgy Greek face which means his nose is a listed building. Wright, husband of Lisa can fit eleven Kit-Kats into the cheeky, yet dirty mouth. Jim once made love to John McNulty which resulted in their illegitamate child.

Coz
	Ridiculously positive Coz sports a bony head, as previous lovers may testify. He has been made a certain size to fit into milk bottles, so he can spy on others whilst feeling he truly belongs. In 1992 Coz was granted his green card by marrying Bungle from tv's 'Rainbow'

Simon
	Son of Steven, Si is one of the original group which inspired us. His spiky hair and unique shade of misty buff identifies him from fifty paces. In Japan he is simply known as 'Krappa', and has had a string of musical hits including "That 'aint my finger, baby" and "I AM the bus driver, daddy".

Sandra
	Cockney Sandra, the former Stanley Spice is the lover of Jamie. Her peachyness has lead to Jamies pleasure on many occasions.

Sarah
	Miss Dawson and her 'Creek' once saw a man with no clothes on. "I was scared, yet uplifted" she said whilst girating.